Does living = learning

Ok so here is an odd one and feel free to comment and share !!!

How do you know you are living and NOT just surviving ? What is it that you gauge yourself by ?

On reflection of this topic I realised a link in my own life. Any point in time where I felt I was truly living I happened to be learning. This learning was on occasion a formal exercise but mostly it was the way in which I was interacting with life. I have also found that when people are just existing or lost they have stopped interacting with life as though it was a lesson and instead become stuck without the perception of it being changeable.

So does this mean that to live we need to learn. I really think so. I don't think the learning has to be in one area or has to be hard times or formal education. I think it is more in the way you communicate with life.

What do you think ?

Question: 
I find it so hard to trust any man in my life, I have never felt 100% with any guy, even if it feels really good at the start I don't trust him as soon as I realize I like him... So my question is .. whats wrong with me ? 

Answer: 
Firstly you are not 'wrong' sounds like something has taught you that men aren't trust worthy. 
This could be something you experienced personally and learn

t NOT to trust men, It could be something you picked up from someone else and saw them hurt and decided no way would that be you. Or it could be a self esteem issue.
Any of these three reasons explained that your behavior and fear is a form of self protection. Nothing wrong with self protection until the self protection becomes more harmful than what your trying to avoid.

Its great you have seen the issue, next step work out the why ... as soon as you know why you do this take some steps here are a few ideas,

♥ Do some self love work and remember to stay true to who you are so no matter what happens you still have lots of great things going on even if your love life isn't one of them.

♥ Decide to automatically trust instead of not trusting, trust that you will be ok no matter what trust in you not them ... so to speak ..

♥ do some meditations and relieve the anxiety

♥ attend some talk therapy

Anyone can do that ...

Recently I experienced this sentence and it brought me back to all the other times I have heard it said.

When ever I have heard this sentence it has been to put someone down or to elevate the speaker. Either incidence creates a divide. This divide can be intellectual, emotional, physical even spiritual but the divide was always in the perceived benefit of the person speaking the words.

I strongly and deeply believe that ANYONE can do ANYTHING and so this sentence is 100% true. We can all do it at different speeds, different standards and different methods. But to learn something or do something is defiantly possible.

I know that people have strengths and weakness in different areas and this is dominated by so many factors, our ability for personal growth, environment, opportunities and many more. The strengths and weaknesses aren't dominated by the fact that anyone is better than anyone else rather a combination of factors and if anyone of us had a different combination we would be likely to have a different set of strengths and weaknesses.

Anything I have learned, anyone can learn. So yes anyone can do this or that and in that we are equal not separate.

In my opinion this separation is magnified or displayed in people who need to feel elevated above others. who need to feel separate from people that display parts that they wish to let go of or ignore.

We all want to feel special in some way but do we need to do it by putting someone else down? Do we need to pretend that we are separate because we have done something or can do something that someone else hasn't got around to or hasn't invested time in.

I at my weakest points have tried to separate myself from other with statements similar to this and now with understanding I no longer need to be separate or be perceived as above anyone. I can now embrace that ANYONE and this includes me can do ANYTHING.

No limits except for the limits you try to apply to others or the limits you apply to yourself.

So embrace it, ANYONE can do it .....

How do you define yourself ?

Interesting question ...

When I ask you to pick 5 symbols to represent yourself what do you pick ?

Your kids, your job, your career,good, bad, strong, weak , happy, sad, your bank account, your partner, your hobbies, yours fears, your body, your favorite food......

What do you define yourself as or with ? Its a hard one as we are conditioned to believe we are our actions or beliefs. Beliefs and actions are both learned, did you learn who you were? are your actions who you are or something you do .... your beliefs who you are or what you believe/ been taught?

I wonder is who you are covered up with so many beliefs or actions that you may not actually know whats under neath ?

I have heard a lot of 'rights' and 'wrongs' along the way and often I have been the one casting a Judgement. But If I knew what I was judging was just piles and piles of unneeded beliefs or actions then maybe I wouldn't judge someone else by their piles ... maybe I would learn to see past the piles to the person ... To see 'who' they were and not the definitions they have taken on or I have given.

I use to define myself as a chef, I am no longer a chef ... but I am no different besides what I do to pay the bills.
I use to believe in rights and wrongs ... I now believe in balance ... but I am still who I was before I changed that belief
I use to aim for perfection ... I now aim for the best I can do in any moment ... I am still me though

So as everything changes and grows what remains ........ I know what i believe remains within me ..... Do you know what remains within you ??

Boundaries - Personal

The personal boundaries I am chatting about are the boundaries you hold yourself by . The way we treat ourselves.

Why is it OK for us to tell ourselves things that aren't nice but if someone else said it we would complain, freak out and become emotionally challenged...

Where do we draw the line for our personal boundaries ??
Why do we work at keeping them in tact between us and others, yet within ourselves we don't honour the same space ?

I learnt at some point that how we treat others is a vital part of who we are, no one EVER told me that the true test of who we are is how we treat ourselves, what we tell ourselves and how we learn to love ourselves.

I learnt that if I don't hold myself to my own boundaries then I allow people to not hold healthy boundaries in a relationship with me. Its crazy... its like you can sniff out your weaknesses by the way your relationships are playing out.

When I don't have an inner conflict then it doesn't show up in my relationships. But when I am not 100% sure of something a boundary then hey presto a friend, a lover or a family member seems to cross that boundary . I need to then work through why I have the conflict within and how I am playing out in relationships

Its really a challenge and liberating to be in touch with the inner conversations, boundaries and questions.

But the main point is simple boundaries would not be crossed in your friendships if you weren't trampling them with in.


  

What do you bring to a conversation ?

So this question has been mulling around for quite a while... I am surrounded by so many different people with different conditioning, different story's, different opinion and different reasons.

When YOU are in a conversation with people what is it that you do ? Does it depend on the person you are speaking with or does it depend on your inner needs ...

So when I meet with someone, I bring my truth to the table wrapped up in a whole lot of respect ( self respect) The reason its wrapped up in self respect is, I know my truth isn't for everyone and I know that they do not have to agree with me, I also know I do not need to make them, I do not need to win and I do not need to prove anything. I bring ME to the table.

In those moments they can take me for what I am offering which is a true piece of who I am, mistakes, venerability, compassion and truth (my truth not everyone's) or they can show no self respect and s**t on the table with a whole lot of should's and shouldnt's,  rights and wrongs  and never actually share their truth.

What I have learnt recently is I don't have patience for this  .. mainly because I am changing it in my inner world. I lived as though being right and seen as good or knowledgeable were more important than living authentically. So it not only highlights my inner conflict to be more authentic and true, It also pushes me to be compassionate with people still living this way.... So yes people Karma is a beautiful thing but its also a full time job in itself.

I grew up knowing I had to work out everyone's motives so i knew quickly what I had to bring to the table to satisfy their needs.

Iv swapped this behavior and fear around for something that feeds my authentic self , I now look to see what I can learn from them ( this is from everyone) I now look to see how I can connect with them in more ways than just words. Lastly I hope that every interactions gives me the chance to be kind, true and able to learn something.

So when I come to the table, I bring infinite possibilities, the space for truth to be shared and a moment to understand each other.  This is new and I work at it everyday in every conversation. I use them as tools to live more authentically and as experiences I am blessed to experience. Even though in some moments I am not thinking so clearly.

I do not bring perfection, I do not know it all and I am not always right. ( this is all the opposite side of authentic living but sometimes I try to sit in that corner too until someone with their authentic self and truth kicks me back into reality.)

So back to the question, what do you bring to the table ?

100 compliments - 1 criticism

'They' say for every criticism you give a child it takes a hundred well dones to over ride that one remark.

So when your talking to your self is it averaged that every 100 compliments you only tell yourself 1 criticism. Or is it more the opposite way?

Some people have that sorted, they know and acknowledge the greatness that they are, then there's people a little more like me ...

I am not the 100 criticism to 1 compliment, I'm more 60 criticism - 40 compliment these days.

Why is it acceptable for me to pick myself apart (& as much as I hate to admit it, the people very closest to me, ) I have such high standards for us but know its not in a healthy balanced way?

We must learn to love ourselves the way we love others x

Personal responsibilty

How much personal responsibility do you take ?

I sat last night with this thought, Personal responsibility is the awareness of your responsibility in each interaction, experience and situation.

Yes someone in the situation may own more of it at times than others, but what doesn't change is that you are responsible for your interaction, your reaction and what you do with that energy after the event.

This isn't the nicest revaluation I have had, It means when ever I have bitched or complained and not seen compassion or taken a mirror to the situation I wasn't accepting my personal responsibility or even my personal power.

The power in this interaction is that instead of concentrating on the wrongs of another and the blame game you are now saying hey I cant control how you feel, behave or express yourself but I can be aware of my feelings, expressions and behavior. So suddenly I have gone from a helpless victim attitude to a strong understanding perspective of who I am.

The result : I am in touch with how I feel, I am observant of how I behave and I am now in my space making choices that make my experience of life and relationships better.

If we don't: If we do it the other way and blame the other person and refuse the part of it that is our personal responsibility we become angry, resentful, annoyed ect ect . This leaves us hurt even further ... We are now completely dis-empowered to everyone else and their choice of behavior, we feel hopeless and lost.

Conclusion: So when we say hey what can I be responsible for suddenly we are checking in with ourselves, taking responsibility, empowering our future choices and learning.

Authentic self?

So this phrase gets thrown around a lot, usually as a direction or justification of who we are.

I am no expert and am stumbling through this area like so many.

What I do know is an authentic self does not judge, put people down or  demean them, that is ego and as pretty or well excused as it is, ego is not authentic. This is important to start with because we often mix up confidence, faking it till you make it and true self power.

Authentic self is the most powerful. It is your truth in action and it can be your guide in life. Being authentic doesn't mean never being uncomfortable or confused it means you navigate this area from your angle not someone else's.

What I have noticed is the authentic self has stripped bare layers of conditioning, belief systems & investigated not just the spiritual aspect of themselves but the mental & emotional. They acknowledge the behaviours they have learnt and work daily at undoing them and then they start to, from a neutral place build the authenticity that is so unique and beautiful we can almost smell it from them.

The authentic person has an aura, an essence, a difference, a presence that with out the deep reflection on their behalf,I do not believe you would be able to experience from them.

So the next time your asking about how authentic you are ask simply 'have I acknowledged what I need to acknowledge to know that I am always safe being who I really am ? '

If I need to justify or explain, I'm not being authentic.

Being authentic can feel so exposed and even Target like at times as you are saying clearly 'I won't play the roles, expectations or games anymore' You are saying I'm ok, that can be a really freeing place but with freedom comes responsibility.

I work every day at striping the layers to get closer to the authentic Sile and everyday she hangs around a little more than the day before. In those moments/seconds/fleeting thoughts or feelings, I feel that connection to my higher self/divine self/god. When she's around she holds the space for authentic you to show up. So when one of us has that truth present it gives us all permission.

It's amazing how your journey encourages my journey.

Life is a journey not a result.

What's your satsang?

As I sit in this business class lounge in Dublin airport I notice its very comfortable, efficient and all needs catered for in one room from the papers to the whiskey.
It makes me wonder, what is it I'm accepting in my life ?

Others in this room are totally comfortable, maybe even oblivious with the fact that as we sit here their are 1000's of people anxious, rushing and overwhelmed by their trip.

My inner satsang screamed could someone else use the room and I could swap. As kind and spiritual this may sound. It really isn't, what I was doing was making up reasons why others deserve it more than me.

I was ignoring the anxiousness and rush I feel and believing I can handle stress better than others and also that really I feel unworthy of a comfortable trip ... then bang it hits me ...

My inner satsang is things are meant to be hard. What Craziness ! I have a back ground tape playing out an affirmation that sounds like this " my life can't be easy, comfortable or special I don't deserve that "

When you look to judge as I did the others in this lounge, ask why am I so uncomfortable with this ? What is it telling me about me ?

I must go now, lap up first class, eat and drink and relax because I deserve it, as you do and we all do. So enjoy your karma , I am x

Honoring Who You Are... Part of a process

So this is a topic that is close to my heart. Mainly because it is something I haven't fully grasped yet. Within it holds a lot of different dimensions.
- Personal boundaries
- Self esteem
- Your expectations of yourself
- The expectations you have taken on from others
- The truths you know
- The lies you tell yourself
( loads more than this)

This list can be over whelming, can often seem like only the most achieved guru or physiologist can understand.  I take this from a belief I was brought up with. A belief that someone else, somewhere else can be great but me ... well I will never be enough.

This belief was unspoken but was taught to me in actions of the ones I loved. Not through any conscious decisions but through their own unconscious belief patterns that were actually handed to them from others . So now we have a lineage of people, living someone else's unconscious belief. My decision now is ... is this for me ...

This was the start of me asking who I am ? This started over 8 years ago and if I'm honest it started years before that. It played out in the roles I played with in my family, It played out in my relationships and it played out in the satsang that played in my head years before I knew how to verbalize it.

What would I feel if I felt empowered to honor who I am... If I felt so empowered I could honor who you are. No limits , no attachments just a space ready for something new. IMAGINE.

Last night I spoke to someone who not only lit a torch within me to look deeper, but also encouraged the HOPE that this is possible as an internal experience and maybe more....

Then later I spoke to another beautiful person who capped this for me in a language and experience I could understand. Encouraging me to step into my space and hold it. They didn't tell me, rather showed me.

It is funny how we meet, we chat and we leave people but what is the gift is when you spot that moment that gets to be a highlight in the match rather than just another play.

I want to thank the 3 beautiful souls that engaged in my journey last night and held a space with me. Honored me as I was allowed to honor them.

I do not have the answers to this one, I am in its journey as most of us are. I have labeled it honoring as that is how it feels to me. To honor me, to honor you and to know that space is a gift.

So ask the questions, sit with the answers and let it happen .. that is my motto for this one.

Any ideas, sharing may be the start of the honoring of who you are, what you believe ....

Wanting & Having can be as simple as an attitude

These words are from Derek O’Neill, Oprah Winfrey and many other great people. My interpretation.
In wanting something there is energy of lack: I want means I do not already have.

To truly manifest something you ‘fake it until you make it’ – In other words you look at something and you say I already have that I just haven’t accessed that yet.
Then you get into alignment with what it would feel like to have accessed it fully. You see it, you feel it and you experience it as fully as possible.

Ideas
So if you want to change your body, give your body the praise before you access the experience.
If its self-love, Love yourself fully until you access the experience fully.
If it is abundance, then live abundantly don’t buy the coffee in the garage pay €2 to sit in a café shop and enjoy the abundant experience.
If you want a better car start visiting car dealerships and test drive the better cars that you would like to experience.

Start acknowledging the experiences you are ‘wanting’, then stop wanting and bring the experience to you in some way and start the actual manifesting. Don’t just think, plan and envy it, feel it, see it, enjoy it and mostly be grateful before it is ever actually present.

Limiting beliefs

I run classes and do private sessions and recently it seems to be highlighted to me that we limit ourselves far more than anyone else could ever attempt.

Are you in a prison of self-inflicted limits? So prison may sound like a very intense word but really that’s what we are doing. We are locking ourselves into limits that are actually stored within us now, they have stopped being external ideas and issues and we have taken them on and internalised them.

Most limits come from experiences or conditioning… these make it difficult to acknowledge as a limit and not a reality sometimes.

My definition of a limit : Anything that says I can’t, It won’t and not me ..

My definition of Reality: Everything is possible

Where do Limitations come from?

We pick up limits through past failures; we say oh well I couldn’t do it that way which means I can’t do it at all. We basically pick an experience that we would prefer not to repeat in the same way and instead of attempting a different way we say if the past didn’t I’m going to plan my future based on a result I didn’t like. Now what sense does that make. This amplifies failure the very thing you do not wish to repeat and then you lose the opportunity to learn. That’s a choice that’s a perception that belongs to HOW YOU CHOOSE TO REACT belongs to you.

We pick up limits through other peoples opinions of us. When we grow up we often absorb lots of other people’s opinions and ideas. That’s a great way to gage the world and to learn different important angles on things. The issue is when you replace your internal knowledge with someone’s flippant opinion it isn’t based on your reality or your inner direction it is simply based on someone’s emotional and mental state of mind in a brief interaction with you. You then took this moment on board and applied your method of living in 1 person’s flippant reaction or opinions.

How to undo the limitations of yourself?

The first thing is bring the limit into your consciousness. See it as a limit, see it as self-inflicted and see why you decided to take it on, how you play it out and why now you want to let it go.  

Then look within and imagine that you are without this limit, feel how that feels, see how it looks and smell how it smells. Call in that experience of fulfilment and limitless experiences.

Now practise rewriting that background, catch yourself implementing the limits and take physical action to replace that unconscious action with a conscious one. Do this until the unconscious action has become a fully limitless conscious one.

If you want to discuss or delve deeper into a limit that is really not working for you just email me on Info@silewalsh.com