The personal boundaries I am chatting about are the boundaries you hold yourself by . The way we treat ourselves.
Why is it OK for us to tell ourselves things that aren't nice but if someone else said it we would complain, freak out and become emotionally challenged...
Where do we draw the line for our personal boundaries ??
Why do we work at keeping them in tact between us and others, yet within ourselves we don't honour the same space ?
I learnt at some point that how we treat others is a vital part of who we are, no one EVER told me that the true test of who we are is how we treat ourselves, what we tell ourselves and how we learn to love ourselves.
I learnt that if I don't hold myself to my own boundaries then I allow people to not hold healthy boundaries in a relationship with me. Its crazy... its like you can sniff out your weaknesses by the way your relationships are playing out.
When I don't have an inner conflict then it doesn't show up in my relationships. But when I am not 100% sure of something a boundary then hey presto a friend, a lover or a family member seems to cross that boundary . I need to then work through why I have the conflict within and how I am playing out in relationships
Its really a challenge and liberating to be in touch with the inner conversations, boundaries and questions.
But the main point is simple boundaries would not be crossed in your friendships if you weren't trampling them with in.
Monday 22 October 2012
Sunday 14 October 2012
What do you bring to a conversation ?
So this question has been mulling around for quite a while... I am surrounded by so many different people with different conditioning, different story's, different opinion and different reasons.
When YOU are in a conversation with people what is it that you do ? Does it depend on the person you are speaking with or does it depend on your inner needs ...
So when I meet with someone, I bring my truth to the table wrapped up in a whole lot of respect ( self respect) The reason its wrapped up in self respect is, I know my truth isn't for everyone and I know that they do not have to agree with me, I also know I do not need to make them, I do not need to win and I do not need to prove anything. I bring ME to the table.
In those moments they can take me for what I am offering which is a true piece of who I am, mistakes, venerability, compassion and truth (my truth not everyone's) or they can show no self respect and s**t on the table with a whole lot of should's and shouldnt's, rights and wrongs and never actually share their truth.
What I have learnt recently is I don't have patience for this .. mainly because I am changing it in my inner world. I lived as though being right and seen as good or knowledgeable were more important than living authentically. So it not only highlights my inner conflict to be more authentic and true, It also pushes me to be compassionate with people still living this way.... So yes people Karma is a beautiful thing but its also a full time job in itself.
I grew up knowing I had to work out everyone's motives so i knew quickly what I had to bring to the table to satisfy their needs.
Iv swapped this behavior and fear around for something that feeds my authentic self , I now look to see what I can learn from them ( this is from everyone) I now look to see how I can connect with them in more ways than just words. Lastly I hope that every interactions gives me the chance to be kind, true and able to learn something.
So when I come to the table, I bring infinite possibilities, the space for truth to be shared and a moment to understand each other. This is new and I work at it everyday in every conversation. I use them as tools to live more authentically and as experiences I am blessed to experience. Even though in some moments I am not thinking so clearly.
I do not bring perfection, I do not know it all and I am not always right. ( this is all the opposite side of authentic living but sometimes I try to sit in that corner too until someone with their authentic self and truth kicks me back into reality.)
So back to the question, what do you bring to the table ?
When YOU are in a conversation with people what is it that you do ? Does it depend on the person you are speaking with or does it depend on your inner needs ...
So when I meet with someone, I bring my truth to the table wrapped up in a whole lot of respect ( self respect) The reason its wrapped up in self respect is, I know my truth isn't for everyone and I know that they do not have to agree with me, I also know I do not need to make them, I do not need to win and I do not need to prove anything. I bring ME to the table.
In those moments they can take me for what I am offering which is a true piece of who I am, mistakes, venerability, compassion and truth (my truth not everyone's) or they can show no self respect and s**t on the table with a whole lot of should's and shouldnt's, rights and wrongs and never actually share their truth.
What I have learnt recently is I don't have patience for this .. mainly because I am changing it in my inner world. I lived as though being right and seen as good or knowledgeable were more important than living authentically. So it not only highlights my inner conflict to be more authentic and true, It also pushes me to be compassionate with people still living this way.... So yes people Karma is a beautiful thing but its also a full time job in itself.
I grew up knowing I had to work out everyone's motives so i knew quickly what I had to bring to the table to satisfy their needs.
Iv swapped this behavior and fear around for something that feeds my authentic self , I now look to see what I can learn from them ( this is from everyone) I now look to see how I can connect with them in more ways than just words. Lastly I hope that every interactions gives me the chance to be kind, true and able to learn something.
So when I come to the table, I bring infinite possibilities, the space for truth to be shared and a moment to understand each other. This is new and I work at it everyday in every conversation. I use them as tools to live more authentically and as experiences I am blessed to experience. Even though in some moments I am not thinking so clearly.
I do not bring perfection, I do not know it all and I am not always right. ( this is all the opposite side of authentic living but sometimes I try to sit in that corner too until someone with their authentic self and truth kicks me back into reality.)
So back to the question, what do you bring to the table ?
Friday 5 October 2012
100 compliments - 1 criticism
'They' say for every criticism you give a child it takes a hundred well dones to over ride that one remark.
So when your talking to your self is it averaged that every 100 compliments you only tell yourself 1 criticism. Or is it more the opposite way?
Some people have that sorted, they know and acknowledge the greatness that they are, then there's people a little more like me ...
I am not the 100 criticism to 1 compliment, I'm more 60 criticism - 40 compliment these days.
Why is it acceptable for me to pick myself apart (& as much as I hate to admit it, the people very closest to me, ) I have such high standards for us but know its not in a healthy balanced way?
We must learn to love ourselves the way we love others x
So when your talking to your self is it averaged that every 100 compliments you only tell yourself 1 criticism. Or is it more the opposite way?
Some people have that sorted, they know and acknowledge the greatness that they are, then there's people a little more like me ...
I am not the 100 criticism to 1 compliment, I'm more 60 criticism - 40 compliment these days.
Why is it acceptable for me to pick myself apart (& as much as I hate to admit it, the people very closest to me, ) I have such high standards for us but know its not in a healthy balanced way?
We must learn to love ourselves the way we love others x
Tuesday 2 October 2012
Personal responsibilty
How much personal responsibility do you take ?
I sat last night with this thought, Personal responsibility is the awareness of your responsibility in each interaction, experience and situation.
Yes someone in the situation may own more of it at times than others, but what doesn't change is that you are responsible for your interaction, your reaction and what you do with that energy after the event.
This isn't the nicest revaluation I have had, It means when ever I have bitched or complained and not seen compassion or taken a mirror to the situation I wasn't accepting my personal responsibility or even my personal power.
The power in this interaction is that instead of concentrating on the wrongs of another and the blame game you are now saying hey I cant control how you feel, behave or express yourself but I can be aware of my feelings, expressions and behavior. So suddenly I have gone from a helpless victim attitude to a strong understanding perspective of who I am.
The result : I am in touch with how I feel, I am observant of how I behave and I am now in my space making choices that make my experience of life and relationships better.
If we don't: If we do it the other way and blame the other person and refuse the part of it that is our personal responsibility we become angry, resentful, annoyed ect ect . This leaves us hurt even further ... We are now completely dis-empowered to everyone else and their choice of behavior, we feel hopeless and lost.
Conclusion: So when we say hey what can I be responsible for suddenly we are checking in with ourselves, taking responsibility, empowering our future choices and learning.
I sat last night with this thought, Personal responsibility is the awareness of your responsibility in each interaction, experience and situation.
Yes someone in the situation may own more of it at times than others, but what doesn't change is that you are responsible for your interaction, your reaction and what you do with that energy after the event.
This isn't the nicest revaluation I have had, It means when ever I have bitched or complained and not seen compassion or taken a mirror to the situation I wasn't accepting my personal responsibility or even my personal power.
The power in this interaction is that instead of concentrating on the wrongs of another and the blame game you are now saying hey I cant control how you feel, behave or express yourself but I can be aware of my feelings, expressions and behavior. So suddenly I have gone from a helpless victim attitude to a strong understanding perspective of who I am.
The result : I am in touch with how I feel, I am observant of how I behave and I am now in my space making choices that make my experience of life and relationships better.
If we don't: If we do it the other way and blame the other person and refuse the part of it that is our personal responsibility we become angry, resentful, annoyed ect ect . This leaves us hurt even further ... We are now completely dis-empowered to everyone else and their choice of behavior, we feel hopeless and lost.
Conclusion: So when we say hey what can I be responsible for suddenly we are checking in with ourselves, taking responsibility, empowering our future choices and learning.
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