Ok so here is an odd one and feel free to comment and share !!!
How do you know you are living and NOT just surviving ? What is it that you gauge yourself by ?
On reflection of this topic I realised a link in my own life. Any point in time where I felt I was truly living I happened to be learning. This learning was on occasion a formal exercise but mostly it was the way in which I was interacting with life. I have also found that when people are just existing or lost they have stopped interacting with life as though it was a lesson and instead become stuck without the perception of it being changeable.
So does this mean that to live we need to learn. I really think so. I don't think the learning has to be in one area or has to be hard times or formal education. I think it is more in the way you communicate with life.
What do you think ?
Friday, 23 November 2012
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Question:
I find it so hard to trust any man in my life, I have never felt 100% with any guy, even if it feels really good at the start I don't trust him as soon as I realize I like him... So my question is .. whats wrong with me ?
Answer:
Firstly you are not 'wrong' sounds like something has taught you that men aren't trust worthy.
This could be something you experienced personally and learn
I find it so hard to trust any man in my life, I have never felt 100% with any guy, even if it feels really good at the start I don't trust him as soon as I realize I like him... So my question is .. whats wrong with me ?
Answer:
Firstly you are not 'wrong' sounds like something has taught you that men aren't trust worthy.
This could be something you experienced personally and learn
t NOT to trust men, It could be something you picked up from someone else and saw them hurt and decided no way would that be you. Or it could be a self esteem issue.
Any of these three reasons explained that your behavior and fear is a form of self protection. Nothing wrong with self protection until the self protection becomes more harmful than what your trying to avoid.
Its great you have seen the issue, next step work out the why ... as soon as you know why you do this take some steps here are a few ideas,
♥ Do some self love work and remember to stay true to who you are so no matter what happens you still have lots of great things going on even if your love life isn't one of them.
♥ Decide to automatically trust instead of not trusting, trust that you will be ok no matter what trust in you not them ... so to speak ..
♥ do some meditations and relieve the anxiety
♥ attend some talk therapy
Any of these three reasons explained that your behavior and fear is a form of self protection. Nothing wrong with self protection until the self protection becomes more harmful than what your trying to avoid.
Its great you have seen the issue, next step work out the why ... as soon as you know why you do this take some steps here are a few ideas,
♥ Do some self love work and remember to stay true to who you are so no matter what happens you still have lots of great things going on even if your love life isn't one of them.
♥ Decide to automatically trust instead of not trusting, trust that you will be ok no matter what trust in you not them ... so to speak ..
♥ do some meditations and relieve the anxiety
♥ attend some talk therapy
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Anyone can do that ...
Recently I experienced this sentence and it brought me back to all the other times I have heard it said.
When ever I have heard this sentence it has been to put someone down or to elevate the speaker. Either incidence creates a divide. This divide can be intellectual, emotional, physical even spiritual but the divide was always in the perceived benefit of the person speaking the words.
I strongly and deeply believe that ANYONE can do ANYTHING and so this sentence is 100% true. We can all do it at different speeds, different standards and different methods. But to learn something or do something is defiantly possible.
I know that people have strengths and weakness in different areas and this is dominated by so many factors, our ability for personal growth, environment, opportunities and many more. The strengths and weaknesses aren't dominated by the fact that anyone is better than anyone else rather a combination of factors and if anyone of us had a different combination we would be likely to have a different set of strengths and weaknesses.
Anything I have learned, anyone can learn. So yes anyone can do this or that and in that we are equal not separate.
In my opinion this separation is magnified or displayed in people who need to feel elevated above others. who need to feel separate from people that display parts that they wish to let go of or ignore.
We all want to feel special in some way but do we need to do it by putting someone else down? Do we need to pretend that we are separate because we have done something or can do something that someone else hasn't got around to or hasn't invested time in.
I at my weakest points have tried to separate myself from other with statements similar to this and now with understanding I no longer need to be separate or be perceived as above anyone. I can now embrace that ANYONE and this includes me can do ANYTHING.
No limits except for the limits you try to apply to others or the limits you apply to yourself.
So embrace it, ANYONE can do it .....
When ever I have heard this sentence it has been to put someone down or to elevate the speaker. Either incidence creates a divide. This divide can be intellectual, emotional, physical even spiritual but the divide was always in the perceived benefit of the person speaking the words.
I strongly and deeply believe that ANYONE can do ANYTHING and so this sentence is 100% true. We can all do it at different speeds, different standards and different methods. But to learn something or do something is defiantly possible.
I know that people have strengths and weakness in different areas and this is dominated by so many factors, our ability for personal growth, environment, opportunities and many more. The strengths and weaknesses aren't dominated by the fact that anyone is better than anyone else rather a combination of factors and if anyone of us had a different combination we would be likely to have a different set of strengths and weaknesses.
Anything I have learned, anyone can learn. So yes anyone can do this or that and in that we are equal not separate.
In my opinion this separation is magnified or displayed in people who need to feel elevated above others. who need to feel separate from people that display parts that they wish to let go of or ignore.
We all want to feel special in some way but do we need to do it by putting someone else down? Do we need to pretend that we are separate because we have done something or can do something that someone else hasn't got around to or hasn't invested time in.
I at my weakest points have tried to separate myself from other with statements similar to this and now with understanding I no longer need to be separate or be perceived as above anyone. I can now embrace that ANYONE and this includes me can do ANYTHING.
No limits except for the limits you try to apply to others or the limits you apply to yourself.
So embrace it, ANYONE can do it .....
Thursday, 1 November 2012
How do you define yourself ?
Interesting question ...
When I ask you to pick 5 symbols to represent yourself what do you pick ?
Your kids, your job, your career,good, bad, strong, weak , happy, sad, your bank account, your partner, your hobbies, yours fears, your body, your favorite food......
What do you define yourself as or with ? Its a hard one as we are conditioned to believe we are our actions or beliefs. Beliefs and actions are both learned, did you learn who you were? are your actions who you are or something you do .... your beliefs who you are or what you believe/ been taught?
I wonder is who you are covered up with so many beliefs or actions that you may not actually know whats under neath ?
I have heard a lot of 'rights' and 'wrongs' along the way and often I have been the one casting a Judgement. But If I knew what I was judging was just piles and piles of unneeded beliefs or actions then maybe I wouldn't judge someone else by their piles ... maybe I would learn to see past the piles to the person ... To see 'who' they were and not the definitions they have taken on or I have given.
I use to define myself as a chef, I am no longer a chef ... but I am no different besides what I do to pay the bills.
I use to believe in rights and wrongs ... I now believe in balance ... but I am still who I was before I changed that belief
I use to aim for perfection ... I now aim for the best I can do in any moment ... I am still me though
So as everything changes and grows what remains ........ I know what i believe remains within me ..... Do you know what remains within you ??
When I ask you to pick 5 symbols to represent yourself what do you pick ?
Your kids, your job, your career,good, bad, strong, weak , happy, sad, your bank account, your partner, your hobbies, yours fears, your body, your favorite food......
What do you define yourself as or with ? Its a hard one as we are conditioned to believe we are our actions or beliefs. Beliefs and actions are both learned, did you learn who you were? are your actions who you are or something you do .... your beliefs who you are or what you believe/ been taught?
I wonder is who you are covered up with so many beliefs or actions that you may not actually know whats under neath ?
I have heard a lot of 'rights' and 'wrongs' along the way and often I have been the one casting a Judgement. But If I knew what I was judging was just piles and piles of unneeded beliefs or actions then maybe I wouldn't judge someone else by their piles ... maybe I would learn to see past the piles to the person ... To see 'who' they were and not the definitions they have taken on or I have given.
I use to define myself as a chef, I am no longer a chef ... but I am no different besides what I do to pay the bills.
I use to believe in rights and wrongs ... I now believe in balance ... but I am still who I was before I changed that belief
I use to aim for perfection ... I now aim for the best I can do in any moment ... I am still me though
So as everything changes and grows what remains ........ I know what i believe remains within me ..... Do you know what remains within you ??
Monday, 22 October 2012
Boundaries - Personal
The personal boundaries I am chatting about are the boundaries you hold yourself by . The way we treat ourselves.
Why is it OK for us to tell ourselves things that aren't nice but if someone else said it we would complain, freak out and become emotionally challenged...
Where do we draw the line for our personal boundaries ??
Why do we work at keeping them in tact between us and others, yet within ourselves we don't honour the same space ?
I learnt at some point that how we treat others is a vital part of who we are, no one EVER told me that the true test of who we are is how we treat ourselves, what we tell ourselves and how we learn to love ourselves.
I learnt that if I don't hold myself to my own boundaries then I allow people to not hold healthy boundaries in a relationship with me. Its crazy... its like you can sniff out your weaknesses by the way your relationships are playing out.
When I don't have an inner conflict then it doesn't show up in my relationships. But when I am not 100% sure of something a boundary then hey presto a friend, a lover or a family member seems to cross that boundary . I need to then work through why I have the conflict within and how I am playing out in relationships
Its really a challenge and liberating to be in touch with the inner conversations, boundaries and questions.
But the main point is simple boundaries would not be crossed in your friendships if you weren't trampling them with in.
Why is it OK for us to tell ourselves things that aren't nice but if someone else said it we would complain, freak out and become emotionally challenged...
Where do we draw the line for our personal boundaries ??
Why do we work at keeping them in tact between us and others, yet within ourselves we don't honour the same space ?
I learnt at some point that how we treat others is a vital part of who we are, no one EVER told me that the true test of who we are is how we treat ourselves, what we tell ourselves and how we learn to love ourselves.
I learnt that if I don't hold myself to my own boundaries then I allow people to not hold healthy boundaries in a relationship with me. Its crazy... its like you can sniff out your weaknesses by the way your relationships are playing out.
When I don't have an inner conflict then it doesn't show up in my relationships. But when I am not 100% sure of something a boundary then hey presto a friend, a lover or a family member seems to cross that boundary . I need to then work through why I have the conflict within and how I am playing out in relationships
Its really a challenge and liberating to be in touch with the inner conversations, boundaries and questions.
But the main point is simple boundaries would not be crossed in your friendships if you weren't trampling them with in.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
What do you bring to a conversation ?
So this question has been mulling around for quite a while... I am surrounded by so many different people with different conditioning, different story's, different opinion and different reasons.
When YOU are in a conversation with people what is it that you do ? Does it depend on the person you are speaking with or does it depend on your inner needs ...
So when I meet with someone, I bring my truth to the table wrapped up in a whole lot of respect ( self respect) The reason its wrapped up in self respect is, I know my truth isn't for everyone and I know that they do not have to agree with me, I also know I do not need to make them, I do not need to win and I do not need to prove anything. I bring ME to the table.
In those moments they can take me for what I am offering which is a true piece of who I am, mistakes, venerability, compassion and truth (my truth not everyone's) or they can show no self respect and s**t on the table with a whole lot of should's and shouldnt's, rights and wrongs and never actually share their truth.
What I have learnt recently is I don't have patience for this .. mainly because I am changing it in my inner world. I lived as though being right and seen as good or knowledgeable were more important than living authentically. So it not only highlights my inner conflict to be more authentic and true, It also pushes me to be compassionate with people still living this way.... So yes people Karma is a beautiful thing but its also a full time job in itself.
I grew up knowing I had to work out everyone's motives so i knew quickly what I had to bring to the table to satisfy their needs.
Iv swapped this behavior and fear around for something that feeds my authentic self , I now look to see what I can learn from them ( this is from everyone) I now look to see how I can connect with them in more ways than just words. Lastly I hope that every interactions gives me the chance to be kind, true and able to learn something.
So when I come to the table, I bring infinite possibilities, the space for truth to be shared and a moment to understand each other. This is new and I work at it everyday in every conversation. I use them as tools to live more authentically and as experiences I am blessed to experience. Even though in some moments I am not thinking so clearly.
I do not bring perfection, I do not know it all and I am not always right. ( this is all the opposite side of authentic living but sometimes I try to sit in that corner too until someone with their authentic self and truth kicks me back into reality.)
So back to the question, what do you bring to the table ?
When YOU are in a conversation with people what is it that you do ? Does it depend on the person you are speaking with or does it depend on your inner needs ...
So when I meet with someone, I bring my truth to the table wrapped up in a whole lot of respect ( self respect) The reason its wrapped up in self respect is, I know my truth isn't for everyone and I know that they do not have to agree with me, I also know I do not need to make them, I do not need to win and I do not need to prove anything. I bring ME to the table.
In those moments they can take me for what I am offering which is a true piece of who I am, mistakes, venerability, compassion and truth (my truth not everyone's) or they can show no self respect and s**t on the table with a whole lot of should's and shouldnt's, rights and wrongs and never actually share their truth.
What I have learnt recently is I don't have patience for this .. mainly because I am changing it in my inner world. I lived as though being right and seen as good or knowledgeable were more important than living authentically. So it not only highlights my inner conflict to be more authentic and true, It also pushes me to be compassionate with people still living this way.... So yes people Karma is a beautiful thing but its also a full time job in itself.
I grew up knowing I had to work out everyone's motives so i knew quickly what I had to bring to the table to satisfy their needs.
Iv swapped this behavior and fear around for something that feeds my authentic self , I now look to see what I can learn from them ( this is from everyone) I now look to see how I can connect with them in more ways than just words. Lastly I hope that every interactions gives me the chance to be kind, true and able to learn something.
So when I come to the table, I bring infinite possibilities, the space for truth to be shared and a moment to understand each other. This is new and I work at it everyday in every conversation. I use them as tools to live more authentically and as experiences I am blessed to experience. Even though in some moments I am not thinking so clearly.
I do not bring perfection, I do not know it all and I am not always right. ( this is all the opposite side of authentic living but sometimes I try to sit in that corner too until someone with their authentic self and truth kicks me back into reality.)
So back to the question, what do you bring to the table ?
Friday, 5 October 2012
100 compliments - 1 criticism
'They' say for every criticism you give a child it takes a hundred well dones to over ride that one remark.
So when your talking to your self is it averaged that every 100 compliments you only tell yourself 1 criticism. Or is it more the opposite way?
Some people have that sorted, they know and acknowledge the greatness that they are, then there's people a little more like me ...
I am not the 100 criticism to 1 compliment, I'm more 60 criticism - 40 compliment these days.
Why is it acceptable for me to pick myself apart (& as much as I hate to admit it, the people very closest to me, ) I have such high standards for us but know its not in a healthy balanced way?
We must learn to love ourselves the way we love others x
So when your talking to your self is it averaged that every 100 compliments you only tell yourself 1 criticism. Or is it more the opposite way?
Some people have that sorted, they know and acknowledge the greatness that they are, then there's people a little more like me ...
I am not the 100 criticism to 1 compliment, I'm more 60 criticism - 40 compliment these days.
Why is it acceptable for me to pick myself apart (& as much as I hate to admit it, the people very closest to me, ) I have such high standards for us but know its not in a healthy balanced way?
We must learn to love ourselves the way we love others x
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